Idea

Sometimes you get an idea for something to write, but it's too big in your head, and anything you write just doesn't do it any justice.

I fucking hate that.

Then your mind starts zipping around the idea. Checking out all the angles. Looking for a way in. But, like I said, it's a really big idea, so after a while, you quit zipping, and you start walking.

And then you start plodding.

And then you want to stop. You just want to say "FUCK YOU!" to this damn, big idea, and leave it sitting there, in your head, to get buried under all the unimportant shit that you have to deal with every day.

But then you start to feel bad. Because you liked this idea. There was a time, not too long ago, that this idea was worth something to you! You may have even been a little bit in Love with this idea!

So you go back to the idea, and you ponder on it a bit more. You may even scribble something down about it. But then you look at what you've written, and you realize that it's not very good.

And then you start to worry that this idea is too good for you. You're too in awe of the idea. You've become intimidated by it. You can't communicate properly with it. And because of this, you and the idea are growing apart. The idea doesn't appreciate you, and you're getting tired. You've got your own life! You can't just cater to the idea, all the time. You need your freedom!

So you walk away from the idea. Again.

And you start getting other ideas. And it's nice, for a while. But you keep thinking about that other idea.

You know...the idea that got away.

And you wonder "What's that idea up to, these days?". Or: "I wonder if anyone else has the idea now. And, if they do, I wonder if they're doing a better job of it than I did.".

Sometimes, if you're really lucky, a bit of time passes, and you learn some shit, or you have an epiphany, and you can really go back to the idea and do it right.

It's nice when this happens.

But, a lot of the time, the idea gets older, and shabbier, and you end up looking back at it and saying:

"Man. I can't believe I actually had that idea!".

Ideas are really great. But sometimes they're more trouble than they're worth.

Anyway, sometimes that happens.


Jim Out.