Thursday, January 31, 2008

She Exists!

So, today I'm working out in the gym, and this little old lady comes in.

This, in itself, is not strange. Lot's of people pass through the ship's gym on their way to one of the decks. But she wasn't on her way to the deck. She was wearing full workout regalia. Leotard...headband...the works. Oh, and she also had huge old lady sunglasses on. With a chain.

And she was wearing a cardigan.

She went to the pec fly and started her workout. She stayed there almost as long as I did. And the last thing she did was three sets, ten reps each with a 20 lb dumbbell.

Something tells me her name might have been Maeve.


Jim out.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Maeve

Usually, after I do a random song lyric sonnet, I like to scan it over, and try to imagine (if it were a real poem) what the poet is like, and what was running through their mind when they wrote it.

So I think I'll give it a shot, right now.

The poet of Leave is an old woman. She's probably in her very late eighties, or very early nineties.

Let's call her Maeve *. I've always liked that name.

She is an incredibly strong willed person. Her parents were immigrants from Poland who worked very hard for everything they had. But they adored Maeve and her brothers. They were an extremely happy family. She grew up with two older brothers. She very quickly learned to stand up for herself, at a very early age. She wasn't a tomboy, exactly, but she wasn't afraid to roll up her sleeves and get mucky.

Her father called her his little wolney duch. It's Polish for free spirit.

When she grew up, she married young. She also divorced young...which is something that was frowned upon at the time. But Maeve didn't care. She craved her freedom.

After the divorce, she left her city and traveled. She went pretty much around the world. She saw and did incredible things. She had many lovers, but only one real true love. When she returned home, she became a teacher.

She had tons of friends, and many, many adopted nieces and nephews. She loved to write letters, and kept in touch with a lot of people that she met when she was overseas.

Now, she's at the end of her life. She's lost count of the number of friends who have died before she has. Her eyesight is starting to fade, and it's difficult for her to write for long periods, anymore.

She wrote Leave a few days after yet another funeral. It's her looking back on her life, and looking forward to her end. It's not that she wants to die, necessarily. She can just feel it's approach, and considers it another adventure.

It's kind of a good bye letter.

In the first line, she's thinking about what an incredible life she's had. She wasn't afraid to give attitude to those who condemned her choices. She never backed down from a fight. In her old age, she embraced being a bit dotty. She often relives her misbehavior in her memories, and feels sorry for those who live them only in their dreams. She doesn't want her loved ones to mourn her, after she's passed. And they're welcome to her belongings once she's gone.

The second verse is about being old in general. She always felt that the aging process is treated rather morbidly. The way she heard others talking about being infirm gave her the chills and put “thorns in her mind”. It seemed to her that people talked about getting old as if they were falling apart, melting, or fading away. She never understood this. To her, it was a natural process of life...like “steam from a cup”. She isn't afraid of getting her feet wet from snow on the path.

In the third verse, she's praying that she can face her death with grace...even dancing. She's secretly afraid that she'll die with her eye's open (a pair of glassy eyes), but she is thrilled with the life that she had, and the memories she will take with her. She wishes she could share it with the whole world, somehow.

At the end, she acknowledges that she will be exiting the physical plane and leaving her body behind. But she is not afraid of the walking down Death's darkened corridor.

What a wonderful, brave woman she is.

Oh Maeve...I wish you were real. And that I could have known you.



Jim Out.


* It is actually a custom in Poland for parents to give their children foreign sounding names, so a Polish girl named Maeve isn't really all that inaccurate.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Leave

I'm less than two weeks away from sitting on my little porch on dry land.

My contract on the cruise ship is nearly at an end, and I honestly can say I'm not the least bit sad about it. I have had nice times, on this boat. I have even had incredibly wonderful times, on board. I have made friends, laughed out loud, gotten hopelessly drunk, and felt love in my heart that is bigger than the ocean I'm on.

I have pounded iron walls in frustration, stared at stars that I have never seen before, and nodded at sunsets in thanks.

But I'm ready to come home, now. And that's just the way it is.

Some of you gentle readers have been a bit upset that, over the past four months, I haven't been posting as regularly as I used to. I'd like to apologize for this...but I won't.

Sorry, but my blog and my tiny number of readers are far too special for me to do anything like that.

The fact is, if I made a regular, disciplined habit of putting posts up on this thing, it would bore me. This would lead to me phoning it in. And I would never want to do that to any of you. I come to this place because I love to write, and I hope that you love what I've written.

This is our little tree-fort. Let's feel free to come and go as we please. There are no big kids to bother us here. I won't let them in.

That being said...in lieu of an apology I do offer an excuse for my lethargy. Take it or leave it. The choice is up to you.

There's an odd creative vacuum that seems to accompany stepping aboard a sheep ark like this ship. I can't explain it, but since October, a sinister pall has fallen over me and turned my bones to torpor. For the past four months, I've felt like I've shouting through a blanket. Maybe it's the lack of freedom. Or the inability to find a quiet corner to collect and record my thoughts. It may even be the lack of nutrition in the horrible Indian food that, as a vegetarian, I've been forced to subsist on.

It even makes me write things that I later regret. "Sinister pall"? What the fuck...I'm Edgar Allan Poe, now?

Anyway, whatever it is, I'm tired of it holding me back from writing.

So fuck it. I'm writing.

It won't be much, today. Just a random song lyric sonnet. But it's something, and for that I'm grateful.

I don't have to explain the random song lyric sonnet...do I?

Okay. I will.

I've been listening to my iTunes for that past hour or so, and recording a single lyric from every song that has randomly come up. I have written them all on tiny pieces of paper and put them in my hat. From this, I will draw 15. Fourteen lyrics will be the lines of the poem. The title of the song from the fifteenth will serve as the title of the sonnet.

This sonnet will not rhyme, and it will not be in iambic pentameter. Those are Donne's rules. Not mine.

Here we go:

Leave

Give a little bit of attitude and get a little tacky, too.
In our dreams we can live our misbehavior.
So take a recess from the hum glum.
You can keep the furniture.

Somebody's cold one is giving me chills.
It puts too many thorns into my mind.
Plastic flowers, melting sod. Fading moon falls apart.
Steam from the cup and snow on the path.

Small request: can we turn round and round?
There's nothing left alive but a pair of glassy eyes.
Photos show no tears. All those pretty years gone by.
Put it on a show on cable.

It's nothing but time and a face that you lose.
And I walk along darkened corridors.


You know...it still kind of amazes me how often I get cool poems from this process.

More tomorrow.

Maybe.


Jim out.