Award

Tonight is the Oscars.

I doubt I'll be watching too much of it, since I haven't really seen any of the movies that were nominated, anyway. And, more importantly, I don't really give a shit.

Forgive me if, during these difficult financial times, I fail to take any pleasure in celebrating the efforts of people who make way more money than me.

But, since it is a day of awards, I decided I was going to give away one myself. A DB OF THE DAY award, in fact.

So please join me in congratulating the latest Jimmy Kayak Douchebag of the Day.

Kenny Glenn!

The link says it all, but for those of you who don't feel like clicking, Kenny Glenn is the pleasant little fucknut who filmed himself on Youtube, abusing a cat. Apparently he thought wearing a ski-mask would hide his identity.

It didn't. A large number of intrepid users tracked down his identification, and the local sheriff was notified. Little Kenny Glenn now faces charges, and is the latest internet pariah to be placed in the virtual pillory stocks for relentless taunts and typed insults.

I'd feel sorry for the guy...but he didn't show a lot of pity on that cat he was beating on. So I'll just go ahead and add to the pile-on.

Kenny, for your socio-pathetic enjoyment of cruelty to animals, your foolish and intellectually stunted attempt at humour, and for the sheer idiocy of posting a video of yourself committing a criminal and repulsive act (using YOUR OWN ACCOUNT! Holy shit...you're a fucking idiot), I hereby award you the Jimmy Kayak Douchebag of the Day Award.



Enjoy your new-found fame, douchebag.


Jim out.

My Little Buttercup

Today's been a pretty busy Friday.

We're starting a new batch of writing, at work, so most of the morning was taken up discussing how we can making talking lobsters and sweet potatoes more educational. Then I played goalie for a ball-hockey tournament that's being held in the atrium.

We lost 3 - 0. The guys at The Hour won the whole tourney, but they had 2 complete lines, plus really cool t-shirts.

Then I had to do a bit of training for a couple of things I gotta do next week.

All good...just busy.

Luckily, though, I could still spare 5 minutes to watch the video my buddy Ming sent me. It's from one of my favorite movies: The Three Amigos.

I'm no hog. I'm sharin' it with all of you.

Enjoy.





El Guapo out.

Belgium: A Gnome Goes Home

Hello Dear Readers,

For Gnoman's final installment of our trip to Europe, we kind of wanted to do something special. It is, after all, our final set of shots from the tour. Also, it was Gnoman's big homecoming. I even took him to the flea market where he was bought 2 years ago, just so he could reminisce about forgotten climes and oft-member'd times.

So, instead of the usual photo series, Gnoman and I put together a rock video of our time in Brussels and Bruges.

This was my first time working with iMovie...but it turned out pretty good. Gnoman wanted to add all sorts of cheesy effects and wipes (he even wanted lightening to shoot out of his guitar!), but it didn't really look very good. Next time...

The song is Gnoman's favorite song by his favorite band, ACDC. Used without permission...so I guess we'll see how long I can keep the video online without some douchebag record executive trying to take it down.

Anyway, here's Gnoman's trip to Belgium! Enjoy!


Jim out.

Ella

Sometimes
I watch my cat.
And the way she doesn't like it when there's a hole in the food in her bowl.
Or how she washes herself at her water dish, by gathering a drop of water at the end of her nose and working it into her paws before worrying it into her face.
Or how she only likes to cuddle when I'm reading in bed.

Whenever I watch my cat.
Like, really watch her.
I get a bit worried.

She constantly talks to me in different sounds and meows.
She mutters under her breath at creatures in the window.
And I catch her staring when she thinks I'm not looking.

And I worry because I wonder.
What if she's trying to tell me something really important
And I'm too stupid to understand her?



Jim out.

Gnoman's Nether Region Tour

Okay...first of all, that title was Gnoman's idea. He's been bugging me about that title ever since he thought it up in a coffee shop in Amsterdam.

Personally, I think it's corny, but he thinks it's a stroke of comedic genius. I suppose it's kinda funny...in a dirty old gnome sort of way. Do me a favour, and try to compliment him about it in the comments section. It would really make the little fella's day.

Speaking of Gnoman and Amsterdam, here they are!

You're up, buddy.



What's up ho-bags?

Before I take you on a whimsical tour of Amsterdam, check out that title!

"Gnoman's Nether Regions"! That cracks me up every time!

I'm full of funny jokes like that! I keep tellin' Kayak to let me add some gags and shit to the stuff he writes, but he never goes for it. Personally, I think he needs all the help he can get. Have you read some of this stuff? What a jack-off!

Anyway, here's Amsterdam.


Me in the old town square.


Hey baby! How much?



I've always wanted to be an Ass Floor Manager...


Yee-haw!


GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME, YOU DAMN DIRTY APE!


Oh...this just keeps getting better...


Here is a big shoe.


When crossing the street in Amsterdam, you need to look out for cyclists, trams, and drunken tourists.


Some sort of monument thingey...


Erotic art! Right in the street! I love this city...


There are a ton of dykes in Amsterdam. What? There is!


Yard stone carvings like this one used to be used instead of street numbers. Much nicer.


The Museum of what? Do they give free samples?


Goodbye Amsterdam!


Time to head home to Belgium!

There it is, folks! Our trip to Amsterdam! Next, it's off to Brussels and Bruges! Home sweet home!

Smell ya later!


Gnoman out.

Blog Roll!

Heyo!

Today I have the day off. I have declared it Watch Old Episodes of the Twilight Zone Day.

Before I do that, though, here is a link to Dot Winter's Blog. Dot is the caller at the Bingo Show, where I occasionally perform. It's at Clinton's, third Monday of the Month. Check it.

And, on an entirely unrelated note, here's Megan Fraser's website. She's an actor or something.

Gotta go. Twilight Zone.


Jim out.

A Magic Trick

Hello all!

Kinda busy today, so here's another Lejo Video. This time the little fella's doing a magic trick.

Incidentally, the trick he's doing is the old "Ball and Vase" routine. It's simple, but fun, and the very first magic trick I bought when I was a kid.

Enjoy!

Jim out.

25 Random Things

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things.
Then choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you.
(To do this, go to “Notes” under tabs on your Profile page (you may have to add the tab by clicking on the + sign), click on "Write a New Note" and paste these instructions in the body of the note, type your 25 random things, tag 25 people (in the right hand corner of the app) then click publish.)

1. Eggplant

2. Jeopardy Champions

3. The Space Shuttle Challenger Explosion

4. Onomatopoeia

4. Luggage

6. The Fiona Apple Album With The Really Long Name

7. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TLJwab_keTk

8. Casual Jacks Bar and Grill, in Downtown Cornerbrook NFLD.

9. A Budgie named Sam.

10. Lew Zealand: The Guy on the Muppets That Threw Fish

11. A Shiney New Bicycle

12. Sonny Lister

13. Home Renovation

14. Dungeons and Dragons

15. The Fact That There Are Two 4's On This List Instead Of A 5.

16. Theosophy

17. That Really Annoying Company That Calls Your Cell Phone From California And Tells You Your Auto Insurance Is Expired, When You Don't Even Own A Fucking Car.

18. Vermouth

19. The Periodic Table of Elements.

20. Cirrus Clouds

21. That Guy At Your Work Who Insists That Pluto Is Still A Planet

22. Geezer Butler

23. That One Dentist Who Just Doesn't Approve

24. Dandruff

25. Erotic Birthday Cakes



Jim out.

A Blog With WHAT On It?

Just when I thought the internet couldn't get any cooler, I find this:

http://thebeatlescompleteonukulele.blogspot.com/

All the Beatles songs! On the uke!

No tabs, though. Oh well...no worries. It's a good thing I can learn by ear.


Jim out.

Right Now

I'm sitting on my couch with my cat in my lap.
I'm smoking a cigar.
I'm sipping an 18 year old Scotch.
I'm listening to the Rheostatics.

Sweet.

A New Feature

Well, Sweet Readers, it's time to do something new.

I like my little blog, and all the fun stuff I do, up here. I enjoy the Random Song Lyric Sonnets, the Random Triva Factoids, and the various other random things I do. Occasionally, I'll put up a bit of fiction, or a funny video. And it's nice. I like that this is my little porch on the interwebs, and that all of you pop by for a visit, from time to time.

But, occasionally, I get pissed off at the world, and some of the assholes that inhabit it. And when that happens, I just gotta spout off about it. Today is one of those days, so I've decided to be creative and turn it into an occasional feature.

I call it The Jimmykayak.com Douchebag of the Day.

Here I will name some of the finest examples of douchebaggery our society has to offer. I will then award them with their very own Douchebag Certificate of Merit, which guarantees them entry into the Massive Douchebag Hall of Fame.

So who will be our first entrant into this prestige douchey little club?

KEN STARR! That's who!


These are two of the world's smallest violins playing "I'm a Crusty Dickhead that Nobody Likes".

Some of you might remember this guy as the sandy little butthole that got Clinton impeached. Well, it seems that oral sex isn't the only thing Starr is terrified of. He is also a rampant homophobe.

Mr. Starr has joined forces with those festering genetal warts over at the "Yes on Prop 8" campaign. Turns out that snatching the basic human right to marry isn't enough for this turd alliance. Now they're seeking to forcibly divorce the over 18, 000 LEGALLY MARRIED gay couples that currently live in California.

Nice.

Mr. Starr, for your diligence in sticking your greasy face in other people's personal lives, for your active campaign against love, and for just generally acting like the kid in the schoolyard who deserves every beatdown he gets, it gives me great pleasure to appoint you the very first Jimmykayak.com Douchebag of the Day!

Congratulations Ken! You're a douchebag!

Jim out.

Dear Copy Right Lawyers,

One of my favorite things to do, on a Sunday afternoon, was to clean my apartment and listen to The Ongoing History of New Music with Allan Cross. They had all the back episodes on the internet, so I could choose any show I wanted.

It was really, really nice. But I guess it wasn't making you any money. So you decided to do what you always do.

Supress it.

Now the show is off the air, and I have to listen to something else while I clean my apartment.

Fine. That's cool. But I would be remiss if I didn't just point out that you're all a bunch of douchebags and nobody likes you. I'd also like to point out that fuckers like you make creating art more difficult than it has to be.

So fuck you,

Kayak.

Ha Ha...

Nickleback sucks.


http://megaswf.com/view/ae5be0fc5f3cc7b1ca122edffe6489b1.html



Jim out.

Dance Monkeys Dance!

S'up Readers?

Today I'm just going to keep things simple and post a video. This is a piece by Ernest Cline, a spoken word artist and screenwriter whos work is, quite frankly, fucking brilliant.

This one's one of my faves, but he's got a lot of others that are worth checking out as well. You might have noticed I hyperlinked his name. Check it. It's worth it.

Anyway, enjoy.

Jim out.

Fire It Up!

Well, Dear Readers, I've finally settled on a New Year's Resolution.

I'm not a huge NYR guy, mostly because I'm pretty much perfect the way I am. However, every once in a while, I come up with a good one. And I think this one's not too bad.

I've decided to put myself out there more.

For quite a few years, now, I've kind of been a hermit. Not a horrible, smelly hermit that throws things at anyone that comes near his home. Just a moderate hermit. Someone who mostly keeps to himself and a select few friends. I pretty much gave up performing all together, and stuck to my cozy little habits in my cozy little apartment.

That was fun for a while. But now it's boring. So it's time to get out there again and see what kind of damage I can do!

To achieve this little goal, I've done two things:

1) I've upped my performing schedule.

I recently joined a musical improv group that rehearses twice a week and performs once a month (I think...). Our first rehearsal's tonight. I let you know how it goes.

I've also found myself involved in 2 Toronto Fringe Festival shows. One is the "Bingo Show", which I've been performing with sporatically for a few months, now. The other is a glam rock puppet show for Kids' Fringe. Should be fun!


2) I've joined a group called "The Annex Status" Group.

This group is currently comprised of my friends Alison and Mark, and my girlfriend, Kristen. The purpose of this group is to meet once a week, and outline goals to be achieved by the next meeting. Mine for this week are...

a) At least 3 blog entries (one down, two to go!)
b) Familiarize myself with iMovie on my Mac
c) Find a clown outfit for my character, Sergi the Clown
d) Touch base with an animation house that has one of my cartoon pitches
e) Find out the Nuit Blanche deadline

Hopefully this will shake things up for me a little bit, and keep life interesting. I'm not really gunning to be famous or anything. I just want a well-rounded, creative life.

Wish me luck! See you out there!

Jim out.

Then Gnoman Takes Berlin

I'd love to write something stirring or, at the very least, interesting...but it's just not in the cards tonight.

So I've roused Gnoman from his jet-lag and convinced him to do an entry instead.

They're all yours, man.


Nice. Thanks, Kayak. I really appreciate being yanked out of the middle of a sex dream with Petula Clark and plunked in front of your computer. Scotch. Now. The good stuff.

While he's pouring me (More!) a civilized pick-me up, I'll tell you about our trip to Berlin.


Upon landing in beautiful Berlin, we immediately immersed ourselves in the culture.


Mr. Gorbachev. TEAR DOWN THIS WALL!

Oh...he did? Good then. Let's move on.


East Berlin has the best crossing lights in the whole world.


So happy! Go for it, little guy!


Never let Kayak pick the rental.


Quite yer mopin' emo!


This cow says relax.


One of my many drinkin' holes across the globe.


Seconds after this picture was taken, I leveled Kayak with a sweet flying elbow-drop.


Tacheles. I thought it was an opium den, but it turned out to be one of the coolest artist spaces ever. Fuck!


Some famous Berlin bridge whose name I forget. Google it. First one to answer gets a beer on Kayak.


The Brandenburg Gate. Napoleon stole it. The Germans stole it back.


Jim wanted to dangle me out of a balcony of this hotel. I wanted to stab him. Here is the compromise.


10 Meters under this parking spot is Hitler's bunker. Hitler's new home is even further down.


Cool dog.


You are leaving the American Sector.


I took a course from Einstein at this University. Memories...


TV Tower.


Damn it! This is the second time I've been mauled by a bear on this damn trip!


One man hot dog stand!


Ground Control to Major Thomastekov...


Top of the Reichstag, Baby! Berlin's pretty at night.


Time to head to Amsterdam. They're fillin' up my ride as I speak.


So long, suckahs!



Gnoman out.